I was enjoying a wonderful fire pit last night when all of a sudden I started chanting a really ridiculously fun song. My friends dropped their sticks and gave me a confused gaze. [name] said, "Dude, what the fuck?" Luckily [name2] got the reference and joined in singing, "GO NINJA GO NINJA GO! GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!" Eventually a few more of my friends started rapping and I busted a few moves...oh yeah...the robot was in there somewhere. Vanilla Ice gets no love from me, except with the Ninja Rap. Why? If you have not figured it out at this point, you have not been reading my blog OR you don't know me very well. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the reason, of course! Great movies. Great songs. Bad artists, but great songs with catchy lyrics. I was scrolling through my list of games to talk about today and I was shocked that I have not even given an entry to TMNT. :( I am ashamed of myself and my fellow gamers for not encouraging this post sooner!
So we all have our TMNT stories. I have a few memorable ones. I already told you about the ninjaken-tie fiasco thing, which was pretty epic. Another great one is the time I decided to start my own TMNT group. Nope, I am not exaggerating. Double nope, I really thought this was possible. Hell yes, I held auditions. My auditions were a mix between
American Idol and
America's Got Talent. Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan got nothing on my axing skills. I cut the fat like I was some really awesome Italian butcher. If you could not execute a perfect somersault or jump higher than the staircase, you were not going to be a turtle. I wanted only the best in my group. Of course, I was Leonardo because I loved my swords and the color blue. Casting Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, and even Splinter proved to be a challenge. I bit my lip and found some neighbors who didn't entirely suck at being "ninja-esque." We took paper towels and colored our masks blue, red, purple, and orange. We cut holes out of the centers for eyes and wrapped them around our faces. Bad ass mother fuckers. We could have given the real Ninja Turtles a run for their money.
Okay so there are movies, comics, television shows, but I want to talk about the games. I am going to strictly focus on the first three for NES so if you don't like it, tough shit. Konami released
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in 1989. Let me just say, I still think it is the hardest of the trio. Ridiculous. We could get into a whole discussion though about how challenging Nintendo games were, but that would take us completely off topic here. Back to TMNT. The first game is set up like a map. You walk through cities and drop down into sewers to fight bad guys.You can also fight soldiers on the streets, but be careful not to get run over by the steamrollers! They are bastards. It's cool because you can change [at any point] between the four characters because they all have different fighting capabilities that will benefit you in certain locations. Leonardo swings his katana around, Raphael has crazy sai stabbin' abilities, Michaelangelo whacks baddies with his nunchuks, and Donatello smashes mutants with his stick.
Hi-ya! The game has addicting music. You always know when it's boss time. So, fun. This game is so hard though, let me just get that out in the open. You might want to drink a lot of alcohol after a few rounds of the water level. Anyone who has played the first TMNT, you will know what I am talking about. Seaweed can kiss my ass.
Okay, moving on to the second of the group.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game is a big fan favorite because of its side-scrolling setup. You can play single or multi-player. You can actually play up to FOUR people at once in this arcade game. In this game you get to pick which turtle you are going to be and get ready to kick some Shredder ass. They pretty much call this game "beat 'em up" because you do just that...beat them up. You can run, jump, and throw soldiers over your heads. :] Super awesome, right? The soldiers you battle come in different color jumpsuits. Imagine fighting the entire box of Crayola crayons. Feeling tempted yet? I love arcade games because you have the retro joysticks, limited time, and a pocket full of quarters to get the job done. On the negative side, you have limited time and a pocket full of quarters. Thank goodness they did make a NES version where you will not go broke trying to make it through an entire level!
My favorite of the bunch is
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project because they fuse together concept of one and two. The Turtles are vacationing in Florida when they spot April O'Neil on the television. Her program is interrupted by Shredder when he takes April hostage. Shredder reveals that he has turned the entire city of Manhattan into a floating island and challenges the Turtles to come get him. It's on, like Donkey Kong bitches.
Check it out! You get to pick from the four who you are going to be for the game. You have a limited amount of health. Once you run out of lives with the character you are playing, you have the option of using the other three. If you fuck up with all four, waste your three "continues," you have to start all over. Bummer. You get to explore beaches, boardwalks, and deteriorating cities. You get to fight bad guys in the ocean while surfing or riding a wrecking ball. The ninjas are crazy fast and you can throw sewer lids or barrels in their faces. If you don't mind losing a bit of health, each turtle has their own special move that instantly knocks down your opponents. Careful not to use it too often or you will die. Don't forget to pick up pizza boxes to fill health! It's pizza time!
If you have not noticed...I am obsessed with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but come on. Can you blame me? If you have not tried any of these games, I recommend you do so immediately! Soon you will be hooked and sporting a super-cool tee-shirt and pencil pouch too. Go get yo' game on dammit!
--AJ
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