"[Joe is hanging from a ledge and Lois is trying to pull him back up] Lois Griffin: Joe, you're too heavy. I can't hang on! Joe Swanson: Pretend I'm your child, Lois! [Lois starts to loosen her grip] Joe Swanson: NOT MEG! NOT MEG! "

I hate reality shows. Seriously. I hate reality shows with a fiery passion. They should be removed from television. EXCEPT one. Which one might you ask?

Top Chef! Gasp. Now I can already feel the eyes rolling and the cussing happening. I love food shows. I do live off of the Food Network and the Travel Network. Anyways, sure there is dramatic music and Padma Lakshmi takes a little too long to deliver the elimination news...BUT the show is pretty neat.

Essentially, Bravo grabs up-and-coming chefs all over the world looking for a chance to show off their skills and challenge themselves. They pick a location that is booming with local flavor or a food reputation: New York, Chicago, California, Florida, Nevada, etc. So you might see a place you have visited or nearby that you totally will want to check out!

The cheftestants are thrown into crazy quickfire challenges. Quickfire challenges are usually done in 30 minutes or less. They can involve one ingredient, one hand, cooking for celebrity judges, no ovens, teammates, or being outside. You never know what you are going to be doing. That is part of the reason I love Top Chef because although you know what happens on the show, you do not know what they are going to do within those challenges. Even after six seasons, the concepts are still fresh and the cheftestants are completely crazy. Here's one of the cool quickfire challenges. Scroll to about the 3:30 mark.
You and the contestants never know who/what/where they are going to cook! It is fun for everybody.

The elimination challenges are more intense and full of surprises. I could spend hours explaining the strange scenarios the different seasons placed their chefs in...but that would take too long. To list a few: block parties, weddings, catering, Vegas, bars, grocery stores, concerts, and again for celebrities [chefs, musicians, and actors]. The chefs freak about out who is going to go home and worry about losing their personal finesse which of course makes them mess up. Some people get lucky and get to come back a second or third time, but usually if you fuck up, you go home. That makes the show more interesting because some chefs stay completely true to themselves and their styles regardless of what obstacles are thrown their way. Others, rather rapidly, crumble under the pressure. So, pick a favorite and pray they make it to the end! I suggest watching the show with a group of people because you can try out some of the recipes on the show and have Top Chef parties where everybody argues over who is going to win. Haha, sounds totally lame to you guys huh? Suck it.

The main reason I watch this show--I must stress-- is because I love FOOD. I love to see what these culinary geniuses are going to do with vegetables and meat. How are they going to work with liver or pig intestines? Yeah, I would not eat half of it for several reasons, but I still love watching them prepare and serve it! Plus, the people they get on the show are interesting characters. You get brothers, mothers, fathers, old people, young, hotties, chefs who have cool pig tattoos [shout out Kevin!], and people living in their parent's basements... The show is back and filming in Washington, D.C. I cannot wait to see season 7. I hear they are bringing back a "Top Chef" veteran who did not win for another chance. Dun, dun, dun! Let the kick ass cookin' commence! Bravo I cannot wait any longer!

...wait yes I can. Because I have the amazing spin-off Top Chef Masters keeping my mouth watering. It is exactly the same setup except with famous cheftastic icons who are super successful and trying to earn money for charities of their choice. Oh, and instead of Padma you have Kelly Choi and instead of judges you get culinary critics/experts. I think it is actually better than Top Chef because these men and women have already established themselves in the culinary world...BUT can they handle the kitchen at Top Chef Masters? You get to see all-star chefs rise and fall under the crazy, fast-paced challenges. You never quite know who is going to make it. Usually, all the masters do an excellent job and it is up to the critics to figure out who really executed the dishes best. They just came back this past month with a second season! SCORE!

Whether I am watching Top Chef or Top Chef Masters I am a happy camper.
If you have not given either a go, start with Masters since it is on. If nothing else, you will get really hungry and inspired.

--AJ